oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
