I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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