So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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