Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
