so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
