I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize