i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
