we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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