i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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