Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
