I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize