I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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