if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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