My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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