somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
