Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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