Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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