Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
