Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
