She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
