They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
