literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
