I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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