I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
