so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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