Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
