I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
