I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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