I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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