bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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