I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
