period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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