before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
