Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Alive.
So much puke
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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