I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
