Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize