i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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