i barfeds in our rink
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I understand Curling. That high.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
