So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
