tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
