Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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