Swine flu. Run for my life!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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