You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
