I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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