there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
