i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
