I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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