Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
