I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
