Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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