Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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