he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
