I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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