she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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