just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
