i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
