I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
