no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
