Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
