I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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