all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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