if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
