Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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