if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
