She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
