Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
