omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
