Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
