worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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