Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize