It was confusing and full of hummus
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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