We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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