I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
