she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
