drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
