Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
