I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
