I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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