I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
