She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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