Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize