It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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