if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
