I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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