I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
