Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
