I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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