You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize