Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
