Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
