I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
