i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
