If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
