Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
