When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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