You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
