I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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